Fort Lauderdale City Commission Abolishes City Government!
In the most sweeping and bold action ever taken by any City Government anywhere in the world, the Fort Lauderdale City Commission decided late Tuesday to throw in the towel and completely cancel the entire municipal government!
The City Commission, which began the year the City was incorporated, 1911, had almost made it 100 years before it ended yesterday.
It all happened unexpectedly Tuesday during the second meeting of the new Commission.
... City Manager Gretsas was giving the new City Commission a report on all the expenditures in the "pipeline", as had been requested of him during the Commission's first meeting last week. Apparently, the massive amount of expected future spending sent the Commissioners into a irretrievable frenzy.
..... Commissioner Bruce Roberts started the discussion. " OMG, I thought the Police department budget was big! This is unacceptable." Roberts went on to state that he was a fiscal conservative, his "peeps" were fiscal conservatives, something fiscally conservative must be done.
..... Mayor Jack Seiler was also aghast. "Who's job was it to watch that old Commission anyhow", Seiler wondered aloud. "This government is more bloated than a warted toad on a foggy morning!". "I can't begin to imagine where to start to cut this heap? Maybe we should try the zero based budgeting I talked about during the campaign - start with zero!!"
"atta boy Jack, Commissioner Charlotte Rodstrom piped in as her and Seiler high-fived at the thought. " If we start from scratch, Gretsas wouldn't be the City Manager, would he?", she questioned.
.... "slow down fellas", Commissioner Bobby Dubose chimed in. I'm just getting started. Seems like you all would just cancel the whole cotton picking City Government if you had your way!".
Silence fell over the room. Only the feverish scrathing of Brittany Wallman's pencil could be heard!
..... They could all see what was about to happen. Nothing would stop this freight train. Commissioner Romney Rogers reached out his hands to the others and began to pray feverishly - "Lord guide us through this dismantlement" he asked.
Rodstrom made the motion. It passed unanimously . Fort Lauderdale Government was done... officially closed.... up in smoke .... never to spend another dime!
........ and
April Fools !!
The City Commission, which began the year the City was incorporated, 1911, had almost made it 100 years before it ended yesterday.
It all happened unexpectedly Tuesday during the second meeting of the new Commission.
... City Manager Gretsas was giving the new City Commission a report on all the expenditures in the "pipeline", as had been requested of him during the Commission's first meeting last week. Apparently, the massive amount of expected future spending sent the Commissioners into a irretrievable frenzy. ..... Commissioner Bruce Roberts started the discussion. " OMG, I thought the Police department budget was big! This is unacceptable." Roberts went on to state that he was a fiscal conservative, his "peeps" were fiscal conservatives, something fiscally conservative must be done. ..... Mayor Jack Seiler was also aghast. "Who's job was it to watch that old Commission anyhow", Seiler wondered aloud. "This government is more bloated than a warted toad on a foggy morning!". "I can't begin to imagine where to start to cut this heap? Maybe we should try the zero based budgeting I talked about during the campaign - start with zero!!" "atta boy Jack, Commissioner Charlotte Rodstrom piped in as her and Seiler high-fived at the thought. " If we start from scratch, Gretsas wouldn't be the City Manager, would he?", she questioned. .... "slow down fellas", Commissioner Bobby Dubose chimed in. I'm just getting started. Seems like you all would just cancel the whole cotton picking City Government if you had your way!".Silence fell over the room. Only the feverish scrathing of Brittany Wallman's pencil could be heard!
..... They could all see what was about to happen. Nothing would stop this freight train. Commissioner Romney Rogers reached out his hands to the others and began to pray feverishly - "Lord guide us through this dismantlement" he asked.Rodstrom made the motion. It passed unanimously . Fort Lauderdale Government was done... officially closed.... up in smoke .... never to spend another dime!
........ and
April Fools !!
You got me because a lot of truth was in what you stated Tim !!!!
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I knew that 'Conficker' worm was going to get to someone, today, Tim!
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Damn, all I could think was "meeting of the century and I missed it!". Your characterizations were spot on. I always enjoy "The Lighter Side of City Hall" by TS.
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TIM, YOU HAD ME ALL THE WAY TO THE END.
YOU GOT ME, GOOD JOB,
STEVE
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Why did the black guy have to be the one to say "cotton picking"
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ha ha
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After 30 years of teaching school midst tricksters of every sort, I didn't think I could fall for another April 1 joke. But you did it! Talk about "gotcha" moments!
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This was great Tim!!
I had a good laugh about half way through. If it could only happen.....
Keep up the good work, and laughs!
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!
What a dunce I am, I didn't even see it coming. I just kept wondering HOW THE F did I miss a story like THAT in the morning paper?
You got me!
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Good one Tim! what we need is a good sense of humor in the midst of this mess.
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Outstanding....what a great spoof - if only....there was a thread of truth in the message and kept you hanging on nearly until the end! Many wish it was true but the stopping of government may yet come as the Commission starts to dissect the Gretsas budget for this year - hopefully revising the approach for the upcoming difficult budget times.
Great job....being clever should move to the top of your skills!
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Tim,
That was hysterical, it made my day.
Judi
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First, sorry Tim, it wasn't funny. Second, I wasn't fooled because being a true activist, I know the City Commission meets the FIRST AND THIRD Tueday of the month. The next Commission meeting is April 7th. The FIRST TUESDAY in April.
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thanks Dennis, but I'm going with the other twelve commenters that thought it was a gut buster !!! ...ciao, Tim
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Where in the hell is your humor Dennis?
Even city activist's has to have some humor just to keep their sanity. I guess, you forgot how to laugh somewhere down the road.
Tim, you did a wonderful job for April Fool's Day. Had me LMAO for sure!
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