Freakin' Scary !
When your wife rattles you out of a deep sleep on a Sunday morning at 5 a.m., saying "quick honey, get up", you know it can't be good.
" there's a totally naked guy on the front porch and he's trying to get in the house!"
I jump up and move to the living room for a look. The wife hasn't lost it. Sure enough, he's there, in all his splendid, nutty glory!
He's a big guy ( tall that is), and he's trying the doorknob, and it's getting scary.
I tell the wife to get the phone, call 911, but first hand me the Louisville slugger, just in case.
the slugger
The guys in some sort of heavy drug craze. I tell him through the door to get lost, tell him I have a pistol with his name on it, but it doesn't faze him.
He pulls a chair out that's on the porch and sits. He's looking in through the picture window and mumbling to himself. We watch the clock and wait for the Cops.
About 8 minutes pass and they arrive, three officers. They shine their flashlights on the guy and ask him what the #$%* he's doing. He doesn't respond, just looks at them and smiles.
Finally they move in, after putting on gloves, and remove him from his perch. They move him out to the Police car and come back to tell us what they're going to do.
" Here's really screwed up on something", (he tells us as if we didn't know!) We've called Fire, they'll take it from here.
EMS .......... with crazed naked guy inside
Sun's up now, Cindy's going on a jog, the naked druggie is on his way to the fifth floor of Broward General,
I'm going back to bed.............
" there's a totally naked guy on the front porch and he's trying to get in the house!"I jump up and move to the living room for a look. The wife hasn't lost it. Sure enough, he's there, in all his splendid, nutty glory!
He's a big guy ( tall that is), and he's trying the doorknob, and it's getting scary.
I tell the wife to get the phone, call 911, but first hand me the Louisville slugger, just in case.
the slugger
The guys in some sort of heavy drug craze. I tell him through the door to get lost, tell him I have a pistol with his name on it, but it doesn't faze him.
He pulls a chair out that's on the porch and sits. He's looking in through the picture window and mumbling to himself. We watch the clock and wait for the Cops.
About 8 minutes pass and they arrive, three officers. They shine their flashlights on the guy and ask him what the #$%* he's doing. He doesn't respond, just looks at them and smiles.
Finally they move in, after putting on gloves, and remove him from his perch. They move him out to the Police car and come back to tell us what they're going to do.
" Here's really screwed up on something", (he tells us as if we didn't know!) We've called Fire, they'll take it from here.
EMS .......... with crazed naked guy inside
Sun's up now, Cindy's going on a jog, the naked druggie is on his way to the fifth floor of Broward General,
I'm going back to bed.............
Sounds as though you all had a very interesting early Sunday morning.
Thank God you & family did not get hurt through this ordeal!
So who was the guy do you know?
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This crime may seem like an anomoly to most people. I assure you it is not. Almost everyday a call comes in to various police departments alerting them to "peeping toms" "voyeurs" and just "men standing outside my window" Think about it? What do you expect when the corrections system releases these freaks back out onto the street to feed their anti-social behavor. There is no rhyme or reason why these guys "do what they" do. But you can bank on the fact its compulsive and only escalates to deeper and darker crimes. These pervs thrive on opportunity and if your 9 year old daughter or son happens to be in the path of opportunity, these freaks will sieze it. Remember this also, these poor excuses for DNA are creatures of habit. They troll the same areas over and over. He will be back. Because the judge wont hold him and the jail doesnt want to feed him. So before you "go back to bed" buy your wife a gun and tell her to take the shot and save the rest of us this "aggravation" as your post infers.
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No Rita .........we had never seen him before .... And hope to never see him again!
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Whoa, Tim!!! I know you've had and seen some weird things happen in your neighborhood over the years, (JiffyPop, to name just one that you've told us about), but this has to be right up there with the strangest for you!
My first thought when I read this was that maybe one of our local political wackos had finally snapped and gone after you! Then I thought maybe one of the homeless you've been trying to help took your offers of help a little too literally. But then I realized it was probably just someone irresistably attracted by your magnetic personality!!
Seriously...glad you're both OK...and with your ability to turn lemons into lemonade, I'm guessing this will be worth a new chapter in your next book!!
Best! GM/GQP
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If the same thing happened to me, it would never occur to me in 100 years, to call the police...Property owners have the right and responsibility to banish trespassers (clothed or naked). Our City has big budget problems because of the mindset you exemplify. Do you call the fire department when your cat gets stuck up in a tree?
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People on drugs can become very violent.
Calling the police was the correct thing to do.
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ok sorry if this is duplicate, page accidentally reloaded. i mentioned what a moron popefv was. just sayin, the guy is crazy enough to be out naked on someones porch, whats stopping him from getting his gun he left on the lawn and blowing your brains out. the amount paid in property taxes here i think we deserve to have our property protected,moron.
i found this blog recently and wanted to leave a comment about my new neighbor. this entry could not have been better for me to leave my comment about him.
my new neighbor, across the street from alexan solmar. the new apartment complex on 6th st with rates that start at 1350. my new neighbor is under the tree in front of the old red cross building, right next to the park. his home is growing by the day. hes got his stuff hung up on the tree, his sleeping bag all spread out...
although the view of him from the pool is blocked due to the abandoned big rig parallel parked for the past month.
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sounds like you got yourself a "Big Dave". Ask the folks in Flagler Village, East Village area/NE Third Ave about big Dave. Theres a homeless "Black Dave" and a "White Dave", the main distinction is that black Dave is usually mostly naked. He lives in the alleys and feels just as entitled as any other citizen. Washes up for everyone to see, using their waterhoses. Im tired of seeing his butt. One day he came on our front porch almost completely naked, carrying an axe. It was so bizarre, I called my husband and said "Honey, there's a big black sweaty naked man on the front porch with an axe, knocking on the door!" He actually wanted me to hire him to chop down weeds. I told him through the door to start chopping! the weeds, that is.
well tim, welcome to lalaland.
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"...I jump up and move to the living room for a look. The wife hasn't lost it. Sure enough, he's there, in all his
splendid, nutty glory!..."
LOL. Tim, you should get an award for that sentence. "Sluggers" come in handy, and you had several targets to swing at! Glad you are all safe.
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TIM SMITH'S CRAZED NAKED GUY CAPTION CONTEST
featuring TIM SMITH'S naked guy.
Here is a sample of the latest entries at myfortlauderdale@gmail.com:-
#1 Confused nudist checks out of http://BearCreekLodgeandCabins.com">http://BearCreekLodgeandCabins.com
#2 Man finally escapes from Tim Smith's house.
(Acknowledgment: Mayor Jack Seiler said something similar at the State of the City address Tuesday May 25, 2010 - http://myfortlauderdale.blogspot.com">http://myfortlauderdale.blogspot.com ).
#3 Caught in a lie! Commissioner Smith claims he left politics with only the shirt on his back. Photo reveals truth.
#4 Commissioner Smith claims he has nothing to hide. Wife confirms.
#5 City's top negotiator leaves meeting after inking deal with Blackstone LXR Bahia Mar.
#6 Tim and Cindy Smith rebrand business -
"Bear Creek Lodge" is to become "Bare Crack Lodge".
Go to http://BearCreekLodgeandCabins.com">http://BearCreekLodgeandCabins.com for more info.
Visit http://myfortlauderdale.blogspot.com">http://myfortlauderdale.blogspot.com to hear more about Mayor Jack Seiler's State of the City address Tuesday, May 25, 2010.
All entries will be judged by a panel that has visioned equally bizarre behavior but in the interests of impartiality and humor will not include members of Commissioner Smith's family. Open to all - one entry each - mystery prize but no mystery, anonymous or profane contestants.
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Tim, are you sure the guy wasn't Jim Naugle?
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