Onion disses Fort Lauderdale

    Our town is the butt of a warped joke in the online satirical newspaper The Onion.

The front page article is entitled "Obama speechwriters unsure how they'd praise Fort Lauderdale in event of tragedy".

First off, these so-called speechwriters for a suspected  Kenyan/ Communist have some nerve! And can anyone name even one speech they wrote that hit the charts? ..OK, but can you name two?


     The article basically calls our City a big lump of nothin, devoid of soul, overrun by yachts!

It's apparent that they just don't get us.

     The writers live in D.C., and granted, they have a lot of cool things there, but they also a lot of murders! Sure, if you grow up in D.C., you get bored with all the field trips to the Smithsonians, the Congress, and the White House.

But do they have Butterfly World?


They go on to ridicule us for having Fireworks stands, strip malls, retirement homes, sunburned tourists, and drunk spring breakers. So what's your point guys?

     And we have a lot of things that D.C. doesn't - try motoring down Pennsylvania Ave. in this Mr. Big Shot writers -


     Got 'em there huh?

     Add to that our Everglades tours, horse racing, dog racing, car racing,  jai alai, Flamingo Gardens and the Funderdome, and I think they get the picture!

     Most ridiculously, they accuse Fort Lauderdale of not having a "unique identity".

     Are you kidding me?
We've been trying to get rid of our "unique identity" for years! Ever heard of Connie Francis!


Lastly, the know-it-all writers say we lack "inspiring local figures" I don't know about inspiring figures, but we certainly don't lack in "colorful local figures"!

                                            resident Nick Nolte

Do the names Naugle, the late Rev. Kennedy, Kathy Willets, Bob Cox, Earl Rynerson ring a bell?

      Enough of this defending ourselves. The old adage - a picture paints a thousands words - will suffice -





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  • 5/11/2013 9:48 AM LJ wrote:
    YEAH ! You tell 'em, T ! And what about our dusty swim suit collection?
    We're the humor capitol of the country !
    Reply to this
  • 5/11/2013 11:39 AM Mary Pat Rhodes wrote:
    Hey we are not all retirement age. We do have nice beaches and sunburnt tourists.

    Did anyone tell them we stopped building strip malls for big huge condo/apartment buildings boasting retail space below...mostly all empty retail space. And we have more of these in the future plans to build.

    Fort Lauderdale had high profile residents. Hey Rick Ross, the rapper lives here! (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/04/rick-ross-shooting_n_3011372.html)

    Plus just last week JLo and Pit Bull were shooting…wrong word to use… filming a music video on the beautiful Fort Lauderdale beach. (http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/jennifer-lopez-interview-interrupted-gunshots-article-1.1336175). So there is cultural!

    And the cheap hotels have been replaced! For goodness sakes look at Trump...oh, never mind! (http://www.bizjournals.com/southflorida/print-edition/2012/02/17/former-trump-hotel-in-fort-lauderdale.html?page=all)

    The President could surely find something redeeming about Fort Lauderdale. We have the water taxis and Tim Smith!
    Reply to this
    1. 5/11/2013 1:01 PM voter wrote:
      Thanks Mary Pat! Well said.
      Tim Smith for Mayor, if he will overlook the 'description' of the city!
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  • 5/11/2013 11:42 AM Frank Link wrote:
    You people who have lived here your whole life in this God forsaken place of no parking, narrow inadequate streets, no curbs, sewers, sidewalks and think this is paradise are totally unaware that there is a real world outside this backward drunkard town. Traffic is terrible and the city keeps making the streets narrower and keeps putting in round-abouts' which just add to the problem. We have a few good guys like you Tim who are trying to make your neighborhood and city better but all I can say is "not in your life time buddy." It's a lost cause. Go west young men. Texas, Arizona, Colorado - the west is where its at. Ft Lauderdale is just a suburb of Miami full of old people from Canada walking around in speedo's and lacks opportunity and good paying jobs for the young. The only jobs down here are for cooks and waiters.
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  • 5/11/2013 11:43 AM Jack Seiler wrote:
    Fort Lauderdale - City of Fort Lauderdale officials were understandably outraged by a recent news story that appeared in the Onion. In the soft hitting or actually "swing and a miss" piece, speechwriters from the Obama administration slammed the Venice of America claiming that the President would be hard-pressed to find any redeeming values he could draw upon to offer residents comfort and reassurance in the wake of a disaster.

    Reaction to the article was swift and deliberate.

    "The Onion article brought tears to my eyes," said Fort Lauderdale Mayor John P. "Jack" Seiler. "For a news source with any shred of credibility to do a hatchet job on our great City without mentioning the Mayor and City Commission by name is an outrage. Furthermore, given that our local newspaper -- the Sun Sentinel -- just won a Pulitzer Prize for journalistic excellence, we are simply not accustomed to reading news stories written by an uninspired and unqualified news staff."

    City officials first became aware of the article after a correspondent from the National Enquirer contacted the Public Affairs Office claiming the piece had been lifted from their publication. The source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, described the article as nothing more than a weak "cut and paste" job bordering on "literary kidnapping." Surprisingly, no ransom has yet been demanded.

    After reading the story, City Ma! nager Lee Feldman was understandably disappointed.

    "We were really hoping to be spoofed by the best fake news blog in cyberspace," said a noticeably disheartened Feldman. "Unfortunately, we'll have to settle for the Onion."

    Feldman did take a few positives away from the story.

    "We were impressed the Onion knew how to spell Fort Lauderdale, but genuinely shocked that they knew how to spell Barack Obama," he added. "It just goes to show you that those overseas online journalism degrees are being put to good use."

    City leaders chuckled at the Onion's decades old portrayal of Fort Lauderdale that was complete with the requisite outdated references to spring break, retirement homes, and cheap hotels.

    "For a minute, I thought I was reading an historical piece," said Seiler. "Just a quick note to the Onion research staff: The '80s called. They want their description of Fort Lauderdale back."

    For those who may not have noticed, today, Fort Lauderdale is a city on the rise. The community boasts an enviable unemployment rate of 5.7%, has seen 40 consecutive months of tourism growth, is nationally known for low taxes and a high quality of life, and was recently named among ! the "Top 10 Small American Cities of the Future" by fDi magazine.

    The City is home to world-class cultural facilities including the Broward Center for the Performing Arts, Museum of Art, Museum of Discovery and Science, a burgeoning historic district, along with a host of award-winning restaurants and entertainment venues.

    "We are certainly not your father's Fort Lauderdale," add
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  • 5/11/2013 11:55 AM Frank Link wrote:
    Oh, I almost forgot, the hero's in this 3rd world town have their names in cement stars on the sidewalk here on the beach The heros are some girls volleyball coach and some guy gym teacher. And don't forget, we are suppose to soon have a street car to nowhere. How redneck!
    Reply to this
  • 5/12/2013 4:20 PM City Activist Robert Walsh wrote:
    I never heard of this "onion" before all this. Show them who is boss Mayor by running for US Senate(Fla). Why not? As far as their remarks that Pres.Obama would not know what to say etc in the wake of a disaster. Let me tell you something we generate a lot of revenue here in Ft.Lau for them all in DC. I hope we never have to encounter a natural disaster, but if we do we will come together and get through it.And it doesn't help City Manager Lee Feldman that we owe the US Housing Authority over 500g because you spent the money according to HUD inappropitely. Also it doesn't help us that the Feds are investigating this "Carisle Group" (you to Tam English and Strawbridge) for fraudent transactions. I think the cuffs are coming guys....
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